Finding The Fun & Joy In Relationship with Layal Alnajjar

Season #4

In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Layal Alnajjar about Finding The Fun & Joy In Relationship.

Layal is a Relationships Done Different facilitator and creates classes in the Middle East. Layal used to struggle with relationships and found herself choosing from a space of lack and need. She believed she needed a partner to ‘complete’ her. Through honouring her relationship with herself, she has discovered how to create a life of joy and abundance.


Key points from this episode’s conversation

    • Living a life of total ignorance


  • When choosing a relationship, where do you choose from?


  • Switching from functioning from a space of need
  • Finding the joy in your relationship with yourself
  • Tools to get out of the space of need and lack

Living a life of total ignorance

Before Relationships Done Different, Layal lived a life of total ignorance. It was a litany of judgments, and she believed she was always wrong when it came to relationships.

The first  Access class she took was not Relationships Done Different, but Talk To The Entities!  However, with the entities and that relationship with the universe, the invitation to be a RDD facilitator became clear.

Being You Changing the World changed things for her. It clicked for her that she could be herself and that being herself was okay, and she began to seek more.

The first relationship she realized she was sucking at was the relationship with herself. She recognized that she wasn’t demanding enough of herself, and she struggled with the idea that she didn’t fit in with others. And without knowing how to fit in, she acted from the place of  wanting to show others how different she was, so they could judge her. She believed she needed to struggle. 

Now Layal doesn’t have the need to show others she is different: she knows she is different. 

When choosing a relationship, where do you choose from?

Something Layal has noticed in her facilitation of Relationships Done Different, the sessions she has and the Access classes she takes, is that often people are seeking relationships out of need, and not out of the acknowledgment that a relationship could complement their lives. People feel there is a lack within themselves when they are not in a relationship, and that in the eyes of society they are wrong.  They can’t enjoy their lives, even if their lives are full of excitement and joy, as there’s always this nagging feeling of lack. 

For example, there was a time when Layal used to feel like she was always the third wheel with other couples. The feeling of the third wheel was so strong that she started to think that there was something wrong with her, and that she shouldn’t go out. 

When she acknowledged that it was okay that she wasn’t in a relationship, she could create a relationship from a space of abundance and having another person as a complement to her life, instead of completing it. 

Switching from functioning from a space of need

In Layal’s first Relationships Done Different class, even before becoming a facilitator, she had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. There are so many questions that you don’t ask yourself when you are or aren’t in a relationship. And when you have those questions coming at you, it’s like eye-opening.

Creating a relationship was never in Layal’s realm of possibilities before. She felt lonely, trapped, sad, depressed and, even though her divorce was her choice, she still felt inadequate. There wasn’t an inkling of thinking that she could create, firstly, a relationship with herself. That was never on the table. She always thought people got into a relationship in order to feel complete and that relationships were the only way to feel complete. But what is ‘complete,’ really?

That’s the lack, and the need. And why would you choose lack and need?

Instead, she started acknowledging that everything she does and all the people in her life are to increase the fun and joy that she already has in her life, and that she doesn’t need a man in her life to show her what fun is. She is the creator of her life, her relationships, her fun and her money.

Finding the joy in your relationship with yourself

When you really start to create and enjoy that relationship with yourself, you’ll be able to create the relationship you’re looking for. Many aspects of your life change when you get out of the need and lack elements. Everything becomes so joyful, and the amount of pleasure we can have in being in a relationship with ourselves is unmeasurable. 

Start by honoring yourself and knowing what you really require. 

Many of us love romance, but how often do we romance ourselves? How many times do you light a candle when you’re having dinner alone? How many times do you enjoy good music and dance when you’re alone? We tend to wait and, as Layal always says in her classes, “if you’re waiting you’re wasting.” Don’t wait for the candles to be lit by someone else. Do it for yourself. 

How many times have you waited for someone else to give you the gift of your life? And how does that make any sense?

Tools to get out of the space of need and lack

How can you find that joy within your relationship with yourself? It can be by doing something that used to give you joy as a child or when you were younger. Anything, like dancing by yourself or going for a walk or giving yourself a massage! 

The first thing Layal asks every day is: “Where is my fun and joy?”  She also asks what her reality is, because often everything we use - especially in relationships - we use from the point of view of others. We look to other people and we dismiss our lives through other people’s point of view. 

When we ask what our reality is, we become more present with ourselves. It doesn’t mean other people’s realities are wrong or right, they’re just not yours. 

If you’re going to do anything, whether it’s opening a bank account or buying groceries, ask yourself: “ Would I have fun?” It’s almost like you are demanding to have fun, from every molecule of the universe. There is a saying somewhere: ‘You are what you seek.’  What if you could seek fun? What if relationships were just fun and games?


Relationships Done Different




Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?



Layal Alnajjar, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator



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