Getting to Know Your Body and Secrets to Great Sex with Simone Milasas
Are you grateful for your body? Do you have allowance for it? For years Simone used to dismiss her body and find it annoying, until she realised that judging your body does not create anything greater!
In this episode, Simone Milasas discusses two chapters from the book, Divorceless Relationships, with Paula Peralta; Getting To Know Your Body and Secrets To Great Sex.
If you have total communion with your body, then you can have great sex; because it’s your body that copulates. Embodiment should be about joy in your body, and your body being a contribution to you and you being a contribution to your body and being. Treat your body like a best friend.
There is only one thing you want hard in life!
Keys to success
- Stop Judging Your Body
- Greater Communion With Your Body
- Have Gratitude For Your Body
- Communion & Relationship
- Holding Onto A Relationship
- Winners, Losers & No Counts
- Sex, Sexuality, Copulation & Intimacy
- Great Copulation
- Your Body Doesn’t Have A Judgement
- Too Tired To Copulate
- Positive Judgements
- Being Orgasmic Energy
- The Joy of Embodiment
Stop Judging Your Body
For years Simone used to view her body as annoying. She dismissed her body and would have judgments such as, "I could get so much more done if I didn't have a body," as well as judging its size and shape. And, when she stopped judging her body for its size and shape, she started judging it for ageing.
Judging your body doesn't create change.
In the last 5 years, Simone has stopped judging her body so harshly. She asked herself, “What if I stopped judging it and was just super happy to have a body in this lifetime and be in communion with it?”
A whole space is available when you stop judging your body. It's like a muscle. The second you go to judge, catch yourself and stop. No one else can do it for you. Simone says that even though she has less judgement of her body now, she still has to practice.
Greater Communion With Your Body
Be in tune with what your body is asking for. A while ago, Simone hurt herself in pilates and was talking to Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, about it. He told her that she needs to stop doing whatever it is she is doing the moment something gets so much fun. It seems counterintuitive but for Simone, that is when she stopped asking her body questions and just continues doing what she finds so much fun. You really have to pay attention to what your body is asking for and listen. Now Simone catches herself when she does this and asks, "Have I stopped asking my body?"
It's about asking your body what it requires. Listen to your body and follow the energy. There is no right or wrong. Your body might desire something for 2 days, 1 day, 2 weeks, 1 month; it's not a longevity thing. Listening to your body and being in communion with it will create greater.
Start your day by conversing with your body. Put your hands on your body and have a little chat; “Hey body, how’s it going?” Put your attention on a part of the body, or on your organs or cells and ask it, “What do you require?”
Being in communion with your body also leads to greater sex. You can't have great sex if you are not in communion with your body; because it's your body that copulates!
Have Gratitude For Your Body
Your body is your best friend, and we treat it like crap by constantly judging it and getting frustrated. What if we changed that to constant gratitude?
What part of your body do you love, find wonderful? What if you looked at your body through someone else's eyes?
Communion And Relationship
The greatest relationship you can have is with you and your body; then you can pick and choose in a really different way because you are not looking for someone to fulfil you. Only you can fulfil you.
Hollywood movies portray themes like, "you complete me" and "soul mate." What if everything you have been told is a lie?
If you have communion with you, you can add somebody to your life. If you don't, you'll be looking for someone to fulfil you or to complete you. No one else can complete you; only you can complete you. Other people can be a contribution, but they don't complete you.
It is way more fun to be with someone who is being all of them. One of the most attractive things in the world is someone who is being them.
If you are looking to put your trust in someone else before you have it with you, you will never have all of you. If you have trust in you, then you can trust someone else; but it's not blind faith. It's you in allowance of who they be and you can make choice.
Holding Onto A Relationship
Everything you've decided is the 'right' choice, take a breath and let it go.
What are you avoiding by holding on to a relationship so tight? What if instead, you choose to be with them each and every day? And then, if it's time for something different, what if you could choose that?
Winners, Losers & No Counts
In relationships, a ‘Winner’ is someone who you would feel like you have ‘won’ if you hooked up with them, but the catch is that they typically judge you or your body. A ‘Loser’ is someone who wants to hook up with you, but you judge them (because they must be a loser if they want to be with you). And a ‘No count’ is someone who has no judgement in their world.
For Simone, anyone who didn't want to have sex with her was a winner; ie if she had sex with them, she had scored a winner. There was no question in her world of, "Will this be fun?"; just the desire to score a ‘win’. Anyone who wanted to have sex with her, she put in the loser category; it was just too easy! And, the no counts just didn’t count.
She would choose men who would judge her body based on the same judgement she had of her body. It would validate the limitation she was choosing for herself.
Now, she asks, "What would it take to choose lovers who are nurturing, who are fun?"
Sex, Sexuality, Copulation & Intimacy
‘Sex’ is where you are walking tall, feeling good and strutting your stuff.
‘Sexuality’ is a judgement and a definition of you based on your sexual preferences.
‘Copulation’ is where you put your body parts together.
Copulation is not intimacy. The 5 elements of intimacy are gratitude, trust, honour, vulnerability and allowance. For Simone, having that level of intimacy with someone was a lot harder than copulation. What if you were willing to have the 5 elements of intimacy with everyone, including yourself and your body?
People make having sex right or wrong. There was a time when Simone was willing to never have sex again. She also knows people who havent had sex for years. It doesn't matter! None of it is right or wrong; you are not right if you have sex and wrong if you don't, or if you masturbate or not. If you are being really present with your body, then you get to choose; that's when the joy and the pleasure with it all exceeds.
Great sex is a level of contribution and receiving. Sometimes you want fast and furious sex. Sometimes you want slow sex. If you are willing to have it all and play with it all, you'll have more communion with your body.
The first time that Simone had sex, it was about ticking a box; “Now I've had sex. I can tell my friends,” rather than an exploration; "Ooo, is this nice? Is that nice?" etc.
Then, for years, she never chose who to have sex with from the space of, "Will this person be nurturing for me?" She didn’t ask, “Is this working for me and my body? Is this fun for me? Is this joyful?”
Create communion by asking your body questions. Even with long term partners, ask “Will this be nurturing?” before copulating; rather than this judgement that you have decided needs to be fulfilled.
Your Body Doesn’t Have A Judgement
When looking for a person to copulate with, what if you asked for a particular energy, such as somebody who is going to contribute to you, be kind to you and your body and doesn’t judge your body, rather than stipulate physical appearances like size, weight, height, etc.?
Your body doens't have a judgement about who it wants to have sex with. Ask, “Body, who would you like to have sex with?" It could be lots of different people. It's you who judges whether it’s right or wrong, good or bad, and has all these reasons and justifications about whether you can or can’t have sex with someone. It’s not that you go and have sex with everyone your body would like to copulate with; it's about identifying the energy of that person that your body finds nurturing, and asking for that in a sex partner.
Your body is really smart. You are the one who is sometimes a little crazy. Let your body show you the way and listen to that. Then you might have a different reality show up.
Too Tired To Copulate
How much of your life are you forcing yourself to do things you don't really want to do?
The energy you put into making yourself do things is what makes you feel tired. You have to expend more energy doing things you don't want to do.
You get to choose. If you are tired due to working too much and don't want to have sex, acknowledge that, and what else is possible? For example, could you go away together for three days?
A positive judgement is going to lock you up just as much as a negative judgement.
Perfection is a judgement; "I've got the perfect partner," or "that was the best sex I've ever had." Positive judgement leads into this place where you do not choose anything different or greater.
If you have great sex, enjoy it and ask, "How does it get any better than that? What else is possible?"
It's not about getting rid of the positive or negative judgements; what if you were interesting point of view about it all?
Being Orgasmic Energy
You don't just get turned on when you copulate. When you are willing to have the energy of sexualness, there is a turn on that occurs. The more you play with that, the more you feel those vibrant energies. But you have to be willing to receive all of those generative, fun, exciting energies. At what age did you turn your body off? There will be a decision you've made about the wrongness of your body.
Get the energy of orgasm; it doesn’t matter how long ago it was, we all know the energy of it - even if it was in another lifetime. Pull that energy up from the Earth and up through your feet and body, and tap into that orgasmic energy through your entire body. Allow the heartbeat or pulse of orgasmic energy throughout your body.
Everything that doesn't allow you to perceive, know, be and receive that, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and wrong, good and bad, POD and POC, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds.
You can do this exercise at any time. Orgasmic energy is a really alive energy. It doesn't mean you have to copulate, but you can walk around everyday with that energy. What if that's how you be in the world?
Everything that doesn't allow you to choose to live with that orgasmic energy, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and wrong, good and bad, POD and POC, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds.
The Joy Of Embodiment
Embodiment is not just about your body but your whole reality. If you are willing to receive this whole reality, a different embodiment can occur.
It should be about joy and happy in your body, and your body being a contribution to you and you being a contribution to your body and being.
Ask every day, "What else is possible for me and my body today?"
Relationships Done Different
Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?
Simone Milasas, Worldwide Business Coordinator of Access Consciousness, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator, Business Done Different Facilitator, 3-day Body & Advanced Body Facilitator