What If Your Partner Is Greater Than What You Think They Are? with Carolyn Sinclair
Do you get annoyed with your partner? Can your partner never do anything right? Or, do you judge yourself as being wrong all the time within your relationship? What if there was another possibility?
On this show, your host, Christopher Hughes, has a raw and vulnerable discussion with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Carolyn Sinclair, about her marriage and their relationship together; including her husband’s last days.
What if your interaction with all the people you are in relationship with wasn't a reaction but a choice to create something?
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- Your Point of View Creates Your Reality
- Love Is Always A Judgement
- Gratitude & Creationship
- You Get To Choose To Be Happy Every Day
Your Point of View Creates Your Reality
When you decide your partner is wrong, nothing they ever do will be right.
A few years back, Carolyn had decided her husband was wrong and was considering getting a divorce. After attending a Choice of Possibilities class with Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, she began to realise that it was her point of view that needed to change, not the situation.
It was she who had decided things he did were annoying, and she realised that it was she who was creating the problems because she had to be right all the time and everything he did was wrong.
Carolyn began to ask questions of herself; “What was it about me that I only saw the things that were irking me, when previously we used to have so much fun together?”
She also started using the tool, interesting point of view, every time she felt annoyed. Saying “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” over and over in your head dissipated all the mind stuff that was going on and made everything so much better and happier.
What if you didn’t have to be right and you used the tool, interesting point of view?
Love Is Always A Judgement
When someone says, “I love you,” it can mean so many different things; and, it is always a judgement. When you love someone or something, there is generally a ‘because’ attached; I love you because x, y or z.
What if instead you used gratitude? When you are in gratitude, you can't be annoyed; the things or behaviours that previously annoyed you no longer matter.
Gratitude doesn't need a ‘because’; it's an appreciation for what is without any expectation of anything that could be different.
Gratitude And Creationship
For Carolyn, everything got better with gratitude; even her sex life.
In this world, you have to spend quality time together and have meaningful moments to maintain your love and to prove your love. But when you take all that away and are just enjoying each other, it's a different thing.
When you look at the definition of ‘relationship’, it means the distance between two things. Instead of being in a relationship, be in a creationship. You want to have a partner that together you create 20 times more than you do individually.
We can't live on this planet without relating to or interacting with others; ie without having something to do with other people.
As head of Customer Service for Access Consciousness, Carolyn possibly interacts with a lot more people than most; and, many of those involve ‘complaints’, where the customer is annoyed. The two tools that Carolyn uses for greater ease in this customer service role, and in life, are allowance and interesting point of view.
Allowance is like being a big rock in the middle of a stream. Do you get banged around and have to avoid everybody, or are you just letting everything flow by? The choice is yours. When you don't resist and react or align and agree, it changes the energy between you and the other person; because every molecule is consciousness, and we all interact.
Having allowance for others is not just kind for them, it's kind for yourself too. If you don't do trauma and drama and you are in allowance of what other people say and do, life is so much easier for you. Imagine a world where absolutely nothing we did or chose was in reaction.
What if your interaction with people wasn't a reaction but a choice to create something?
Play with it.
You Get To Choose To Be Happy Every Day
If Carolyn is not happy, she uses an Access tool to clear it, change it, or realise it's not hers but someone else’s that she is just aware of.
Choosing to be happy no matter what affects all of her relationships; if Carolyn is happy, it's hard for others to be snarly and rude. And if they are snarly and rude, she can just walk away.
It’s like the mantra of Access - all of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory. That's all of life; even the yucky stuff.
Relationships Done Different
Carolyn Sinclair, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator