Keeping The Spark Alive
Do you focus on all the things your partner doesn’t do, or does ‘bad’? Are you tired, frazzled, cranky or stressed? If you answered yes to either of these, you relationship spark is more likely to be fizzling than sparking.
On this show, your hosts speak about keeping the spark alive in relationship, whether it’s an intimate relationship or a business relationship, or simply the relationship you have with yourself.
You might be surprised that as well as gratitude for your partner and ensuring that you nurture yourself within the relationship, destroying and uncreating your relationship and instilling chaos are also key tools to keep the spark alive. Listen to this week’s episode to find out more.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- Have Gratitude For The Small Things
- Destroy and Uncreate Your Relationship With Everyone
- Introduce Chaos Into Your Relationships
- Keeping The Spark Alive With Yourself
- Know When To Stop A Relationship
Have Gratitude For The Small Things
Becky has been married for 27 years and her husband still gives her butterflies when he walks in the room. He is an amazing man and she is so grateful for him. But it wasn’t always like that. Initially, there was a whole lot of nit picking and she was focused on the small things and what she hated about her husband and what got on her nerves. Until she realised that she had to stop doing that and started to focus on what she adored about him and grew it from there.
Gratitude for the small things makes everything grow!
Destroy And Uncreate Your Relationship With Everyone
This also applies to relationships in business. Anyone you work with on a regular basis, you end up with this level of intimacy and you start making assumptions about them; what their preferences are going to be and how they are going to choose things, etc. Once you get into that routine, for some people it becomes maintenance rather than moving the relationship forward.
The greatest gift and tool to keeping it fresh is to destroy and uncreate your relationship with everyone you work with every day - as well as intimate partners, friends and family. Everything you have decided your relationship is with them, based on yesterday and based on history, erase all of that, so you don’t carry it into what you choose today".
"Everything that my relationship was and everything I have decided it's going to be, I destroy and uncreate it all. Right and wrong, good and bad, POC and POD, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds."
Introduce Chaos Into Your Relationships
Everyone has their agenda, whether they are honest about it or not. They are trying to direct things in a particular way. Every now and again, throw in a wild cad to not following the path
they are trying to lead you down. Then they have to step out of their projections and go into question about what is actually occurring and what will be created.
Keeping The Spark Alive With Yourself
It's not about what you need to deliver with this person to keep the spark alive as much as it is about what you require to have the spark alive for you.
So often we look to what's outside of us in relationship conversations. You've got to start with what works for you; and it may be something that has never existed in the history of relationships before!
You've got to look at what you are bringing to the party, whether your relationship is business or personal. If you're exhausted or tired and cranky and stressed, how much fun is that for the other person? We are all busy people with lots going on and if you are not doing the things that feed you and give you that enthusiasm for living, then you're probably not a whole lot of fun to hang out with.
How do you keep the spark alive with you?
Paula has a lot of businesses that make her money; they are her primary relationships. And they take up a lot of time. Recently, she has made the demand to do something that is fun and is just for her, for at least one hour a day and one day a week.
Being a busy business woman, she originally thought "How can I possibly spend one whole day to myself?" However, she discovered that the more she actually does that, the more she can deliver in all the other areas; and truly keep the spark alive for yourself. You think you don't have time for yourself, but you actually don't have time to not have time for yourself! You've got to include yourself in the creation of your life.
Becky hasn't been including her body lately, and is now making the demand to. She loves to move, whether it's working out or being in the creation of it. When she gets out and moves and takes time for herself, her molecules are all dancing.
In Divorceless Relationships, Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says to do something for one hour a day and one day a week that nurtures your soul. It doesn't mean you don't do anything; but you can if you choose to. There are other things you can be, do, have, create in that day. What you do on that day is up to you, and can show up in ways you wouldn't expect, such as checking work emails because you know that will create a future that you
desire. You get to choose. You get to do whatever you want. Ask,
"What actually would nurture me today?"
Know When To Stop A Relationship
So often when you are married or in long term relationships, the expectation is that you ‘roll together’; are on the same page and do everything together. Ask, “"Can this person deliver what I desire? and am I capable or desiring to deliver what they are asking for?"
Paula’s friend was in a relationship with someone who didn’t actually want to be in relationship. If she hadn't ended the relationship when she realised this, she would have been continually beating herself against a wall and divorcing more and more of herself to try and keep the spark alive, when she could just go and choose someone that would contribute to her. She would have way more fun and not bend, fold and mutilate herself for something that was not even possible (because he didn’t want a relationship).
Relationships Done Different