Friends With Benefits
Have you ever had sex with someone where there was an expectation of performance; eg “You did this with my body so I need to do that with your body?” etc. It's no fun and there is little to no benefit in it.
On this show, your hosts speak about the topic of friends with benefits, beyond a transaction; both in the carnal connection sense and within other friendships where the benefits are more about contribution on a different level.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- Does It Work For You?
- Mixed Relationships
- Transactional Realities
- The Greatness Of You
Does It Work For You?
Outside of the carnal connections, 'friends with benefits' is an invitation to look at all your friendships, and whether or not they actually work for you and are creating greater eg who are your friends, do they contribute to you, do you contribute to them?
For each relationship - friends, work colleagues, etc. - get really honest about whether it invites you to more of you or not, whether it works for you or your business or your life, and whether it creates greater in your life.
What if all of our friendships could be these brilliant creationships that contribute to each other, where you create more? What are your friends doing that is inspiring to you? What do you know that you can contribute to them?
The ultimate benefit with your friends is to make sure that everyone is winning!
Most of the times when you mix business and friendships and they come into difficulty, there is some sort of expectation that wasn't really communicated. For example, they may function a certain way in the friendship and there was an uncommunicated expectation that that would cross over into the business and it didn't.
A great question to ask that will save a lot of heartache is, 'Will this work?" That and clear communication are essential before entering into a business relationship with friends - you may adore them as a friend but it may not work with ease in business.
And again, you need to be honest with yourself. It’s not, “Do I want this to work?” it’s, “Will this work?”
In this reality, people tend to go to 'tit for tat'. That is what we refer to as a transactional reality in Access Consciousness, where you create a reality with somebody based on a transaction that occurs between you and what you think you are owed and what you think you are obliged to do based on each other’s actions.
Most people do contribution because they feel they have to contribute to pay for something they've already got or something they want; which is very different to just receiving, where you enjoy the gift of it and it enriches your life.
What if you could contribute to one another and contribute to the world we want to live in and never expect what we are going to get in return?
How do you function outside of a transactional reality? You have to create a new reality.
When you truly gift something to someone and they receive it, it's an immediate gifting back to you. The gift you receive back is the energy you created and the gratitude that ensues.
In carnal connections, the more you are willing to gift without an expectation of receiving, you actually receive well above and beyond what you would have received if it was transactional; the gifting inspires something that takes people to another level.
In friendship, it's never this linear thing of “Here's what I contribute and here's what you contribute;” it's knowing that you are both a contribution when you are both showing up, and it's the joy you receive when you see your friends receive contribution.
The Greatness Of You
Once you are willing to receive the greatness of you, more shows up everywhere. That's what allows us to be so excited for people when we see them receiving; the willingness to acknowledge that it shows up for you as well and asking for it, "I'll have that too!" Half of the fights would no longer be relevant if people looked at things that way.
What if the world was a little more contributory? And, what if it was a contribution just to receive?
- “Will this work?”
Relationships Done Different
Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?