We Need To Talk
Have you ever said, or been told, “We need to talk, within your relationship” It’s that dreaded time when you just know something's wrong and, likely, the relationship breaks up soon after.
On this show, your hosts speak about break ups. Break ups don't need to be messy. What if it could be as easy as knowing when you're done with your dinner?
The tools you use to create a relationship that works for you can also be used to navigate a break up with ease. You don’t have to do messy and dramatic. Listen to Justine and Melanie for tools and tips you can apply straight away.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- Are We done?
- Is There Something Wrong With Me?
- Have Gratitude For Your Ex
- Give Yourself Time To Process
- Don’t Stop Creating Your Life
Are We Done?
How often do you try to force things to keep going for reasons such as loneliness or you are too old to be finding someone else?
You actually know when it's time for a relationship to end, but a lot of us try to keep it going beyond that; you think the safety of what you have trumps the adventure of finding what would make you more alive, and inviting people into your lives that are more congruent with where you're going.
Trust that awareness that you have and address the break up before it hits. A great question to ask is, “Are we done? Have we done everything we were meant to do together?” It's not cold and callous.
Is There Something Wrong With Me?
When a relationship breaks up,often people get stuck in thoughts like, “What did I do wrong for the relationship to not continue? Is there something wrong with me?” There is a stigma with the person who is left.
Just because a relationship has broken up, doesn't mean you are broken. No, it's just done. You're not wrong at all; you're not broken.
Have Gratitude For Your Ex
Acknowledge the gift that your ex was in your life and remember the good times together, instead of going, "He was such an asshole, he did this and this." Nobody can do anything to you.
Every communication we have, we get something from it. It was a choice you made. And, at some stage there was something that did it for you.
And, you are not responsible or the trigger for what they do.
Give Yourself Time To Process
When you handle your shit, greater things show up. Give yourself some time to get over your ex, but don't extend it to a year. If it's off, it's off.
You process it, you shift it, allow yourself to have a look at it, and then you move on. It doesn't have to be perfect though. Don't try to find the ‘right’ process. Nobody has the awarenesses that you have.
A lot of things that show up are inexplicable, but we try to attach meaning to it.
Ask, “What is it, what can I do with it, can I change it, if so how?”
Give yourself a break; don't beat yourself up. Enjoy the process. If you are angry or crying, turn it up and enjoy it. Allow it out and just move on.
The universe always has your back. Things always turn out better; even though it doesn't seem like it when you are in the middle of it.
Don’t Stop Creating Your Life
Make sure you do something you would love to do. Don't stop creating your life just because you are not with that person. Use this time to reevaluate your life. What is it you really want to do? Were you choosing things because that's what your ex wanted?
Really look at what is true for you and step into more.
- “Are we done? Have we done everything we were meant to do together?”
- "How does it get any better than this?”
- “What is this, what can I do with it, can I change it, If so, how?”
Relationships Done Different
Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?