Modern Mixed Marriages
No matter what relationship you are in, there come times when you have to navigate different points of views.
On this show, the hosts speak about mixed marriages. A mixed marriage is anywhere you and your partner come from totally different points of view and background and are different in what you choose and value.
Whether you are in a mixed marriage or not, there is going to come a time where there will be a discrepancy in opinions; it's going to happen, what do you want to choose? How much peace do you want to have? Or do you want to have the drama and the conflict? Neither is right or wrong; it's just a choice. What possibilities haven't you considered?
Listen to the discussion for tools and tips to navigate differing points of view in your own relationships.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- What does being right create?
- What if agreeing to disagree and tolerance are not the answer?
- The 5 Elements of Intimacy
- What am I not willing to receive?
What Does Being Right Create?
In times of disagreement, it's easy to go "I'm right," but there is no peace or freedom in that. Would you rather be right or free? What is being right going to create? What is going to create the greatest?
And, some people just really love conflict. That's where you have to be really honest with yourself. It's not wrong, and, there's an easier way.
What If Agreeing to Disagree & Tolerance Are Not The Answer?
When you agree to disagree, it has this energy of tolerating each other and the topic becomes ‘off limits’, but it's still there festering. Tolerance is like saying, "That's okay," but it’s actually not. It has a level of superiority to it, that doesn’t work in relationships long term
Rather than tolerate it, what if you could honor and respect that they have a different choice, and don't try to make them wrong for it or try and talk them around to your point of view.
The 5 Elements of Intimacy
The 5 elements of intimacy - allowance, trust, gratitude, vulnerability and honor - is one tool for dealing with conflict or differences in a way that works:
- Have gratitude for your partner,
- Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner, have a look at it and be honest with yourself rather than go straight to fight,
- Honor your partner and want them to continue to be them in the world and support that, rather than trying to make them see things your way or making them wrong for their points of view.
- Have allowance for them, and
- Trust that they will do what they do.
What Am I Not Willing To Receive?
It can be difficult to receive what's good about you from another. Your partner doesn’t have the judgment of your body that you do, or the points of view about you that you do; they actually just adore you. Creating fights can be a way to push them away or remain separate to them in some way; it's all about annihilating the intimacy that is possible. Asking questions will start to unravel that separation. Ask, "What am I not willing to receive from them?"
- "What am I not willing to receive from them?"
Relationships Done Different
Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?