What's Actually True For You?
Having the 5 Elements of Intimacy, which are allowance, gratitude, vulnerability, trust and honor, with yourself and with others makes relationships so much easier.
On this show, the hosts speak more on two of the elements of intimacy, trust and honor, and how all of the elements intertwine and work together to create greater in relationships; rather than just ‘tick the box’ of having a relationship.
Once you go beyond how relationships ‘should’ look and how it ‘should’ be, it becomes so freeing; you get to explore it in a different way and discover what it could be. You get to discover what works for you and what you could create together.
Listen to the hosts’ relationship examples to gain a greater awareness of how you can apply these elements within your own relationships. If you have the 5 Elements of Intimacy, especially with yourself, you get to create anything at all.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- What is trust?
- Go with what you know
- When you don’t trust others
- What is honor?
- The 5 Elements of Intimacy are all intertwined
- How do you trust and honor yourself?
What Is Trust?
Most people think trust is having blind faith; that the person you trust has your back. This may or may not be true, however, in Access Consciousness, the concept of trust is actually knowing that someone will do what they are going to do. Expecting them to do otherwise is not kind or honoring and just causes stress for you.
When you make a lot of decisions about people rather than trusting they will do what they do, when it goes off track from your expectations, you feel like you've been let down.
Trust invites you to your awareness. If you are willing to have your awareness, you can go into the relationship with eyes wide open and create something that actually works for you. Then it's not about the boundaries and the “Will he/she/they? Won't he/she/they?”
Most people use trust to annihilate their awareness. "I can trust this person." That is not trust but blind faith. When you say that, you are limiting what you truly know about the person and what they will or will not choose.
Are you going into your relationships with blinkers on or blinkers off? What are they actually going to choose and what works for you?
Go With What You Know
How often do you listen to what you really know? Or do you just blindly go in anyway and hope it all works out okay?
Most people ignore their knowing rather than trust it. For example, if you have been divorced, did you know the rel was not going to work out beforehand? Trust you and what you know.
You are aware of what you are aware of, but oftentimes you don't trust it or you forsake it. Ask, “What do I know is actually going to occur in this relationship?" When you are willing to acknowledge it, you can change it. It empowers you to have a conversation with your partner, a conversation with yourself, your coworker or whatever, and start to make choices that will work for both of you and create greater for both of you.
When You Don’t Trust Others
When you don't trust other people and are afraid they will do something to you, what is it that you don't trust about yourself? A lot of time we project our behaviors on to other people who might not actually ever do that.
Have a look at where you think you might do that behavior, or where you judge that behavior as wrong, or where you are not willing to be or do that behavior for yourself.
If we don't trust ourselves and don't trust that people are going to choose what they are going to choose, you go into all the trauma and drama and upset of relationship. This is when you say things like, 'I can't believe you did that," and you get really mad at them, etc.
If you truly get that people really do choose what they choose, you get to see that it's not against you or it’s not to prove a point; it's just who they be. Often there is no reason; they just choose it because they can.
It's not about understanding why someone did something; most people don't even have a clue - they can't even explain why they chose what they chose, it's just what they chose in the moment. When you don't go to the why, it's so much easier.
What Is Honor?
Within the context of Access Consciousness, honor is to treat someone with regard. With honor, you don't have the point of view that things should be different; you honor it for what it is, you acknowledge it for what it is and allow it to just be.
Honor is going, "Cool, that's what you want? Here;" rather than trying to change their point of view to be the same as you.
The 5 Elements of Intimacy Are All Intertwined
The 5 Elements of intimacy all melt into one another - it all works together and makes relationships so much easier; where you struggle with one, the others assist you to work through it and see ways that you can actually have so much more.
For example, vulnerability allows you to see what is true for you, then you get to trust what is true for you. When you are willing to trust people to choose what they are going to choose, you are never surprised by what they choose, so it's easier to honor them and be interesting point of view for what they are choosing.
How Do You Trust And Honor Yourself?
Trusting yourself is knowing that you are going to choose what you are going to choose, and honoring yourself is not trying to change that, or yourself, for someone else. Instead of making yourself wrong for things, give yourself some allowance and permission and honor that you are going to choose what you are going to choose, and giddyup! It makes your life so much easier.
- “What do I know is actually going to occur in this relationship?"
Everywhere you don't have the 5 Elements of Intimacy with yourself, would you be willing to let it all go, and what can you do to choose that and have more allowance, gratitude, vulnerability, trust and honor with yourself?
Relationships Done Different