That Crazy Thing Called Love
Different countries have different traditions for Valentine’s Day, nevertheless, it can be a contentious issue anywhere. Is it a celebration of love or a day that highlights how single and miserable you are?
In this show, our four hosts discuss what Valentine’s day means for them and present you with some simple tools to enjoy Valentine’s day no matter what your relationship status.
Keys points from this episode’s conversation
- What if nothing was wrong with you?
- Having gratitude for yourself is key
- Sometimes you do have to do a little bit of looking inward
What If Nothing Was Wrong With You?
A lot of people desperately seeking a partner will go to that place where they think the reason they don’t have a partner is because there is something wrong with themselves. What if it wasn't about changing or fixing anything about you? What if you could, instead, have allowance for you? Allowance is having no point of view; where nothing is wrong with you and nothing is right with you, and everything just is. When you have that equanimity, there is so much peace in your world.
Having Gratitude For Yourself Is Key
If you don't have gratitude for yourself, it’s hard for someone else to have that towards you. Gratitude grows things and you can’t have judgment in gratitude. Start with baby steps - not going to the wrongness, stopping it every time you find yourself doing that and replacing it with, “I am grateful for me.” Things change and move so fast. Enjoy every moment you have, whether it’s being single or with someone else.
Sometimes You Have To Do A Little Bit Of Looking Inward
This reality tells us to look for someone who will complete us; as if you are in some way lacking without a partner. In actuality, you've got to be willing to give yourself whatever it is you think you lack. What are you not willing to receive? If you look to a partner to provide everything for you, that’s a lot of pressure. If you are in a relationship, is that sustainable? If you are not, is it attractive?
We tend to get so fixed in the way we look at relationship - how things ‘should’ be instead of seeing the difference of everyone and how they actually add to our lives.
Vulnerability is the willingness to be present with and look at everything, and just receive it all with no point of view. It is a very seductive quality. The willingness to have no point of view invites people into your life who are willing to receive you with no judgment.
Vulnerability opens the door to so much receiving and a much more vivid experience of actually being alive; you are receptive to everything and everything that comes into your life is more intense. You can change a lot in the world when you are willing to look at what is true for you.
The unwillingness to be vulnerable cutts yourself off from you and from your receiving
Vulnerability in relationships is where nothing about you or your partner is right or wrong. Everything is just information. It takes away what you think things should be, allowing you to look at them in a different way. It also removes all the walls and barriers that you had up, creating a space for more intimacy. Magic can show up when you are willing to no longer have any walls and barriers up.
Who Does It Belong To?
If you are feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day, is it actually yours? We are all so aware. Are you actually picking up on someone else’s feelings? Ask, “Who does it belong to?”
This reality places a whole lot of significance on Valentine’s Day and having someone who loves you. And if you don't, what does that mean? Is any of that actually your point of view, or is it just the culture you are in? You are told you need to care about it, but do you actually care about it?
You are aware of all the different points of view around you, such as “You need a man” - but is that actually your point of view?
Do You Actually Want A Relationship?
If you say you want a relationship and you don't have one, you don't actually want a relationship. You've got to be willing to look at that in order to change it.
What If Your Fixed Point Of View Wasn’t Actually True?
If you don't get what you wanted on Valentine’s Day eg the right number of flowers, is your relationship doomed? What could be different if you no longer had any fixed points of view?
For those of you looking for a relationship, it is noteworthy that fixed points of view about relationship and the ‘right’ partner can actually be why you are staying single. When someone comes into your life who actually could contribute and form a relationship, they may not match the projection you have of what you think a relationship is supposed to be, so you reject it and them.
Get Clear On What You Desire
Make a list of what you want and also what you don't want in a relationship. It’s not about what they should look like, etc., but the energy of what you desire, such as kindness, thoughtful, and so on.
This list assists you to get really clear on the energy of what you desire, and the clarity assists in creating and attracting it. Being clear on what you don't want also helps you get more present with what it is you actually desire.
With every item on your list, ask, “Where am I not willing to be that for me?”
- "Who does it belong to?
- "Where am I not willing to be what I desire for me?"
- "I am grateful for me"
Relationships Done Different
Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?