It's Complicated!

Season #1 Episode #1

What Does Relationships Done Different Mean? 

Have you spent your whole life trying to figure out what relationship is all about? There actually is no right way, or ideal way, to do relationship. What if your relationship didn't have to look like anyone else's?  Relationships done different is about creating all your relationships in a way that works for you.

Relationship Killers: Expectation, Judgment & Completion  

A lot of time, people spend their life seeking relationships - friendships, intimate relationships, having children - only to find out that when they actually achieve that, it is not what they expected; it’s wonderful (or not), and there are challenges. 

Expectation stops the adventure of exploring what else is possible. And, when expectations aren’t met, it kills relationships.

When you meet other people, they also have expectations of you. When you don't meet those, they tend to judge you because you don't have it 'right'. A great tool in these circumstances is to flip it by asking questions; it enables you to look at yourself from a different place to whatever their projections are of you.

The other aspect of seeking a relationship is that once you are in one, you’re done; you’ve achieved your goal, so there is a sense of completion rather than continuation.  That sense of being done stops creation and growth. Relationship should be a contribution to your life; an addition, not a completion.  You can still continue to create something different even after you 'tick the box', you can still grow, learn and have fun, by continuing to ask questions.  A great question to ask is, “What else is possible here?”

Relationship Tools: Gratitude, Creationship.  

Gratitude is the most powerful and overlooked tool. You can change anything with gratitude.  One of the biggest killers of relationship is judgment; it really erodes the possibilities that are available in relationship.  Whereas, in the face of gratitude, judgment cannot exist. Taking the time to have gratitude for the people you are in relationship with is a great tool against the routine of life, where you tend to forget it.  

Another great tool is the idea of creationship, where you keep creating together as opposed to that sense of completion or routine.  It is a constant exploration, which is far more fun and generative than trying to get the perfect relationship.

Maintaining Fun & Play In A Relationship.  

The dirty dishes are never actually the issue; they are a symptom of something else that is going on.  To avoid this, you need to be willing to be really vulnerable together and totally honest with each other without being confrontational, and say what is going on in your world, what's up for you.  The niggly things that you tend to nag about kill the fun and the joy in the everyday.

Let the dirty dishes be the dirty dishes.

Remember why you like this person.  Ask, "What is the overall contribution this person is to my life?"

Take a moment to actually be together. So many relationships these days get into a rut of sitting together and mindlessly scrolling on their phones, rather than actually engaging together.

Managing Multiple Relationships In A Busy Life. 

When you have a business and a family and a partner and are very busy, the key is to stop making yourself wrong.  Eliminate the guilt that can occur with things like working rather than playing with your kids, or when multitasking when you're with them.  Nobody has relationship right. Whatever you are doing, really enjoy it and be in the moment. Don’t spend the time you do have with your partner or kids worrying about your ‘to do’ list. 

Clarity Creates.   

Get clear on what it is you would like to create, move forward, live your life, and just allow those energies or those people to show up for you.

Write down the different areas of your life where you would like to create greater eg body, relationship, sex, etc. and list all of the things you actually desire in each of those areas, not from judgment, but to get clarity on what will contribute to the creation of your life.

It starts with you.  Anywhere you are not willing to be anything for you, you can't really invite into your life. 

Daily Questions 

  • "What does this person contribute to my life?
  • "What else is possible?"
  • "Where is my energy required today?"

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